New Blog Launched!

Happy New Year Everyone!

My new year resolution actually started as a project that began many months ago.  I decided to launch a new blog on January 1st, 2012 where I would publish a blog post about the bible every single day of the year, until I had fully read through the bible.  If you want to know the reason why I decided to do this, you can read the introduction post located here.

This post has one purpose only -- to invite my readers over to my new blog site:  Everyday Bible Blog.  I will still be maintaining this blog, but my new blog will have the main focus of my attention for the time being.  This new project has been in the works for awhile now, and I had hoped to actually launch a website by January 1st.  That did not happen on time, but I was still able to start publishing the blog entries on time.  Each and every day, a post will be published at 12:01 am.

I hope you visit the new site. I hope you enjoy the new site.  I hope you participate by commenting, and perhaps writing a few blogs of your own.  And, once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I hope this year brings about positive changes in each and every one of your lives.

EverydayBibleBlog.com

First Encounters of a Begging Kind

Note:  This post was written awhile ago, I just didn't get around to publishing it until today.

Today is my first full day of my resolve to give each and every beggar who asks a one dollar bill. I prepared my pockets by packing each with a pretty dollar bill. Upon leaving my parking garage, I proceeded to walk gingerly down the 3 city-sized blocks between my garage and my work, eyes peeled for someone with the look of a beggar. To my disappointment, I encountered none.

“What the luck!” I thought. After all, it’s seemed that these people were EVERYWHERE last I looked.  Wasn’t someone always asking me for money, like, ALL the time? But then I wondered, perhaps the beggars aren’t as prevalent as I perceived them to be? Perhaps I feared being begged so much, and felt so guilty about each person I passed, that, in my mind, I blew the problem out of proportion? Only time will tell, I guess.

At lunchtime my colleagues and I took a walk through the brand new city parks. As per my usual habit, I scanned the area, looking for potential beggars. At that moment, I thought of how different this situation had become -- I had always scanned each area for beggars, but I did it so that I could avoid them; so that I could make a convincing show of the fact that I simply overlooked them and did not notice them sitting there. This scan was different. I really wanted to see a beggar, I really wanted to enact upon my new resolution. Unfortunately, I saw no candidates.

Then, as we were walking through the park, I thought I heard a man ask for some change, and that man was headed in my direction. The first thing I noticed about him were his clothes -- they looked clean, and new. He was slightly heavy (i.e., not starving), and had sharp shoes on. It all happened so quickly it seemed. Usually I have time to prepare myself, to put my act on. But not this time, not for this man. Because he didn’t look like he needed money and did not have the look of a beggar, I was completely unprepared to encounter what would be the very first recipient under my new resolve.

I saw him ask the people in front of me, and before I could even react, he had asked me. I was taken aback, for sure. My immediate thought was “this man doesn’t need my money! Look at him! The nerve!” But, while that thought was going through my head, my hand went into my pocket and handed him the dollar bill before I could even finish thinking it.

I don’t know what I expected after I handed him the money. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Would I find joy in the act? Would I begrudge the beggar his dollar, even though I’d given it? Would I analyze the likelihood of that person really, truly, needing that dollar and putting it to good use?

Surprisingly, even though my reaction while handing it over had been to scrutinize his need for the money, those thoughts passed right on by after the dollar had been given. Instead, I started to explain myself to my coworkers. Well, I was going to explain myself. I opened my mouth, I prepared to speak, because surely they were going to ask why I would do such a thing ... wouldn’t they? After all, we had been on countless walks downtown together, and never before have any of us ever given money to a beggar. Surely they were going to ask. But I closed my mouth, willing to wait until they asked. But. the funny thing is, they didn’t. They just continued on as if nothing had happened at all. All of a sudden defenses that were rising in my mind dropped as I realized I didn’t have to explain myself. What a relief. And the funny thing is, I hadn’t a clue that would be immediate reaction. It had nothing to do with the beggar at all, or the money that had left my possession for good. It was truly an unanticipated reaction. I wonder what that says about me? I’ll have to analyze that one later.

As for the man I gave the dollar to? I haven’t given him any more thought outside of writing this article.  I am very proud of myself. I expected my first encounter to be easy, rewarding and predictable. Instead I was caught off guard, asked rather suddenly by a person who I never ever would have given a dime to before. And even while I was thinking of reasons NOT to give it, before I could even finish those thoughts, I had given it. And it was easy and effortless. The first test thrown at me had been a hard one, and I passed with flying colors.

See a Beggar? Give Them A Dollar!

Today I have decided to do something that I hope will drastically change my outlook on life and the way I feel about myself. I face myself everyday, and everyday I’m left feeling a bit bad about myself. I want to think I’m a good person, who doesn’t? But when I wonder: “Am I REALLY a good person? Is there anything significant about me?” I’m left feeling more than a bit short. What do I do that’s really worth anything? I’m a pretty NICE person, I try to be NICE to people, I am supportive to my friends, I raise my family the best I can, but do any of these things mean I’m a GOOD person? No it doesn’t.

When I think about why I feel like a bad person, one thing comes to mind: money. I came from so little money that for years I didn’t have things other people consider necessities -- such as electricity and running water. And now, I’ve worked my way through college while raising two kids, own a modest 1200 sq. foot home, don’t carry a credit card balance, have a bit of money in my 401k, college savings plans, and regular savings. My savings is not enough to cover more than one paycheck should I lose my job. Regardless, I support a family of five on my income, and what I have to show for it is modest, but it’s there.

It’s also fairly recent that I’ve started to feel like I have a little bit of money. At the beginning of this year I realized, as have many Americans lately, that I was living well outside my means ... and for what? Some extra things in my closet? Extravagant gifts for people? Eating out a lunch every day at work? I spent hours creating an extremely tight budget, a completely comprehensive, to the dollar budget that left nothing out. It was tight, but it covered my bills, allowed for a solid credit card payoff plan, contributed to various savings, and had a (very) small amount of money set aside for some fun stuff.

Fast forward 6 months later, and something happened: I became much more financially secure. I might only be able to cover one missing paycheck, but that’s a whole lot better shape than I was in at the beginning of the year, where I was spending more than I was making and had only a few days pay in the bank account, and ran my checking to zero before each payday. After so long of living paycheck to paycheck, I actually had a money buffer. And while the money in my checking is technically allocated down to zero, there is now always money sitting in it, regardless of how close it is to payday.

I even started giving money each paycheck to various charities. Each time I get paid, I pick a charity to donate to. It’s in my budget, and therefore I gladly spend it, and it feels good. It has also been helping me to come to grips with letting go of my money. The way I’ve been holding onto my money is one of the things I most dislike about myself. The thought of someone else asking me for my extremely hard earned money makes me tighten up, and think of excuses as to why I couldn’t possibly spare it.

I work in downtown St. Louis, and am very frequently approached by beggars. Not once have I ever given any of them a dime. Every time I walk by them, I rush by with guilt, because I know it’s the wrong to ignore a person asking for help. Here is someone asking for my help, and whatever the reason, whatever they want it for, it shouldn’t matter to me. What makes asking for financial help any different than someone asking for help of any other nature? If you take the money part out of it, what is left, simply, is someone who is asking for help. Well, I believe in God, and these people asking for my help are also God’s children, and they have his love as much as I do. These are people who, for whatever reason that is not mine to judge, need help. How can I turn them away and walk right past them, when I am fully capable of providing the help they are asking for?

Today, as I was walking downtown, I spotted a likely beggar, and, like usual, walked quickly pass him without giving any eye contact. Only, he didn’t ask for money. He only grinned a big, toothless grin. For some reason, that made me feel even more guilty. After I passed him, I had a thought: I have two one-dollar bills in my pocket, and if someone asks me for money today, I am going to give them one of those dollars. I walked around my normal route, and actually slowed pace and made eye contact with anyone who looked like they might be inclined to beg me for some spare change. Not a single person did. But the fact that I was going to do it was so liberating! Suddenly, I didn’t have to walk around with apprehension that someone was going to ask me, and the guilt I’d feel afterwords. I WANTED that freedom, I sought that freedom.

Suddenly I realized that, once I had tasted this liberation, this freedom, that I couldn’t ever go back to my old guilt-filled, apprehensive ways. And right there I decided that I would carry around one dollar bills. I would make a point to keep a few stocked in my wallet at all times. And if ANYONE asked me for some money, anyone at all whose path I crossed, I would give them one of those one dollar bills.

I haven’t even given away a dollar yet, but I know, I feel in my heart, that I’m changing my own life here. Why I might not think a dollar is going to do much, it could make a huge difference to the person who hasn’t got one. I know the majority of people I’m going to give money to will most likely go out and by alcohol or drugs instead of food. But I also know that occasionally I will help someone who really did need it, and if I manage to truly help one person, well then I’ve done my job.

How this is going to fit into my budget, you wonder? Well, so do I. In fact, I have absolutely nothing budgeted for it, yet my budget is to the dollar accurate; nothing is left out. But this doesn’t fit into a budget. I’m not limiting my help to a dollar amount. My help is only limited to the number of people who ask, and the cash I have on hand. So I’m just giving them away, however many are needed, pulling out of money that should go to other things.

But oddly enough, I’m not worried about it. I will have to keep track so that I know what I’ve shorted myself, but I’m unconcerned with how I’ll be paying myself back. I have a cushion in my bank account, I will not be over drafted by a few dollars a week, as I would have been but 6 months ago. I will pay myself back by either allocating money that would have been spent elsewhere, or by applying money to it when I happen to get something extra in.

God will provide for my financial shortcomings, and that is the lesson I need to teach myself. It’s a hard lesson for someone who has forced herself to be completely financially self sufficient; someone who has built her security from the ground up (with God’s help, of course). Granted, I’m not jumping off any cliff here by handing out a few dollars a week. But for someone who watches and tracks her every dollar, it sure feels like jumping. But it’s so darned liberating, I swear I can fly.