Friday, June 27, 2008

Six Months Smoke Free

Looks like my six month non-smoking anniversary slipped right by me and I didn't even notice. It seems Tuesday the 24th was the lucky day. I'm not gonna go crazy calculating days and whatnot -- I'm just going simply by the fact that I quit on Christmas Eve of last year.

The odd thing is, I don't have much to say about the whole thing. I'm very very very pleased with myself. Yes, I've (consciously) cheated a few times, because I felt like it and know my limits and capabilities. And no, that doesn't make me any less of a non-smoker. I am no longer "quitting" smoking. I have quit smoking, plain and simple, and I am a NON-SMOKER. It feels great. It feels like *freedom*. I have been released from the chains that bound me to this overly addictive drug.

I am not going back now without a conscious decision to go back. Last time I quit it was for 2 years. Things happened. Alex and I were at a standstill. We had one child, had been together for 3 years, and I wanted a ring. He didn't want the ring, and I refused to waste anymore of my time waiting for him. Thus we were at a standstill, on the verge of ending all. Instead, we tried couples counciling. We both hated it, but stuck in there regardless. After our first exhuasting session, we picked up smokes on the way home and sat on our front porch, smoking and drinking. We did this the next time we had the session, and the next and the next.

We knew what we were getting into. There was no point where we didn't know, but somehow I felt like it had to be. Like there was no way I was getting through this without the cigarettes. As we smoked more on that porch, we bonded more, and reconnected our lives and values. We dropped the counciling, and 3 months later he proposed. Could we have gotten through then without smoking? I'd like to say, well yeah, of course we would have ... but I honestly don't know if we would have had the same result.

That's only speculation and no longer matters. What matters is once again we are smoke free together, 6 months at that. The only way I'm going back now is a conscious decision, and I really hope that I never let myself go back to that. Right now, all is strong and clear and good to go. I'm a non-smoker, and I love it.

8 comments:

Pollye P said...

on the 4th of July I will be smoke free for one year. I have been looking at different blogs and found yours. 6 months is awsome. congratulations

Mz Diva said...

I am really proud of you Brandie....I feel like I got the privilege of getting to get to know you through the process of quitting. You sound strong in your resolve to be a non-smoker as opposed to a "quitter". Its weird how going outside to smoke can "bond" people together....kind of like blogging! I think some days I still feel like a quitter as opposed to a non-smoker but sometimes its progress not profection in this situation! Congratulations and do something nice for yourself!
Peace,
Diva

maggie's mind said...

Congrats on 6 months! Smoking had its place in my life, too, where I met people I wouldn't have if I wasn't a smoker and experienced things as a result, and I wouldn't trade those even if I'm so very glad to be someone who no longer smokes. Congrats again!

Manager Mom said...

Good for you. I quit smoking nearly 15 years ago (ugh, I'm getting old, and I started smoking way too young). There does come a time when you just don't even think about it anymore...

lynda w said...

Bret and I quit at the same time as well and seven months in, I can honestly say that neither one of us would have been so successful had we not done it together.

On the flipside, I feel like we hardly get to talk uninterrupted anymore. Those evening smoke breaks were "our" time and now the only time we can have an actual conversation is during the day while he's at work.

Great job - I'm proud of you!

Brandie said...

Lynda, I know exactly how you feel! I miss the smoke breaks mainly because they were time for us, with NO KIDS ALLOWED. Standing outside together, catching our 5-10 minutes with each other, a few times an evening. I sure do miss that!

lynda w said...

I also miss the 5-10 minutes of peaceful, quit time! Now I have to go hide in the laundry room or put on my iPod to get that.

Brandie said...

Yes! Anytime the kids were driving me up the wall, and I just needed a few minutes, it was how I escaped. Now ... I just tell them to go away, lol.