Looks like my six month non-smoking anniversary slipped right by me and I didn't even notice. It seems Tuesday the 24th was the lucky day. I'm not gonna go crazy calculating days and whatnot -- I'm just going simply by the fact that I quit on Christmas Eve of last year.
The odd thing is, I don't have much to say about the whole thing. I'm very very very pleased with myself. Yes, I've (consciously) cheated a few times, because I felt like it and know my limits and capabilities. And no, that doesn't make me any less of a non-smoker. I am no longer "quitting" smoking. I have quit smoking, plain and simple, and I am a NON-SMOKER. It feels great. It feels like *freedom*. I have been released from the chains that bound me to this overly addictive drug.
I am not going back now without a conscious decision to go back. Last time I quit it was for 2 years. Things happened. Alex and I were at a standstill. We had one child, had been together for 3 years, and I wanted a ring. He didn't want the ring, and I refused to waste anymore of my time waiting for him. Thus we were at a standstill, on the verge of ending all. Instead, we tried couples counciling. We both hated it, but stuck in there regardless. After our first exhuasting session, we picked up smokes on the way home and sat on our front porch, smoking and drinking. We did this the next time we had the session, and the next and the next.
We knew what we were getting into. There was no point where we didn't know, but somehow I felt like it had to be. Like there was no way I was getting through this without the cigarettes. As we smoked more on that porch, we bonded more, and reconnected our lives and values. We dropped the counciling, and 3 months later he proposed. Could we have gotten through then without smoking? I'd like to say, well yeah, of course we would have ... but I honestly don't know if we would have had the same result.
That's only speculation and no longer matters. What matters is once again we are smoke free together, 6 months at that. The only way I'm going back now is a conscious decision, and I really hope that I never let myself go back to that. Right now, all is strong and clear and good to go. I'm a non-smoker, and I love it.