5 Weeks

Today is my 5 week anniversary! Hooray! Oddly enough, it doesn't feel that significant. What am I waiting on, I wonder? Six weeks, or three months? Maybe 6 months, or a year? Two years, three years, or five years? I'm just wondering at what point I'll be impressed by my length of time as a non-smoker. I guess I'll find out, eventually.

I'm glad to report that I'm back into my job, full force. Those first 3 weeks I did extremely little at work. In fact, I did very little at all. I didn't even call a single friend in that time. It's odd, because most people reach out for support from friends and family, but I close in and try to deal with everything myself. I guess I have this persona I feel the need to maintain. It tells me that I must deal with these things myself, so that I can be a strong example for friends and family. I can't show emotion. I can't let them know I'm struggling. I smile and act like it's all fine.

This is a recurring theme. I did this for 5 years, while I raised children, worked and went to school full time without taking a single semester off, not even summer. People tell me they don't know how I did it. All I said was that, well, somehow I did it and I'm glad it's over. When I graduated, I had to work 210 miles away from my husband and children for 6 months. I would spend 8 hours a weekend driving so that I could see my kids. I never missed a weekend. By the end of the 6 months I was exhausted. But did I let anyone know? Of course not. Even when people offerred opportunites for me to let some emotion out ("I can't imagine how hard it is on you"), the reply they'd get from me was basically, "Yes, it is, but I manage."

These are the reasons that I'm so THANKFUL for this blog, the people who read it, and the support I get. I don't have to pretend. No one here knows me and I have no strong reputation to uphold. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for leaving your supportive comments. Thank you for writing the blogs that I read to get through my days as a non-smoker.